Like so many young couples, my husband and I find ourselves still living the un-settled life. We still find ourselves moving place to place, stair-stepping for better job opportunities. All the while pinching pennies in order to someday have enough to buy a place of our own.
We’ve lived in many homes across multiple states over the years, and have met so many hands-down amazing people along the way. But year to year, it’s always a question of where we’ll be next.
Will we spend another Christmas in the town we’re in? Will we get to go the community barbecue next summer? Where will we be this time next year? And then, of course, the all-daunting question: when will we finally settle?
These are daily questions at our home.
The topics that dominate our thoughts and conversations almost every evening.
Feeling unsettled
…Plus, I’m pretty sure when I finally get a place of my own, I will have the best garden layout figured out because I have had a lot of practice.
For those of you who have lived through this time of your life, and those still living it, you understand the weight of being un-settled.
Not having a constant home, community roots, or assurance in your geographic location can feel, well, unsettling.
It can feel isolating and ungrounding, vulnerable and down right exhausting. Leaving you to feel a total lack of belonging.
In my personal life, every move means starting over.
- It means starting over decorating my home. Figuring out if a favorite picture can fit on the living room wall or where to house my pots and pans in the kitchen.
- Every new move seems to require a start over with building furniture, creating pieces to fit that particular space.
- Starting from scratch building my garden and building up the soil. Planting new berries and hoping we live there long enough to see them establish and produce.
- And perhaps hardest of all, it means starting over to find and build up friendships with members of my new community.
In short, living this un-settled life is hard. Yet over the years, despite all of its challenges, I’ve learned to find the joy in living this un-settled life.
When you don’t belong
For those of you who’ve been there – you’ve been there. You know the pain and frustration that comes with frequent moves, years of uncertainty, and that overwhelming feeling of not having found where you belong.
I think for most of us, we understand that nothing in life is guaranteed. There are always changes. Afterall, life is all about growth, and nothing grows when it constantly stays the same.
For those of us still in the Unsettled Camp, I think we get that.
We understand that life will forever have challenges. And we try our best to keep our chin up and not complain about the situation.
But still … that feeling, that almost helpless feeling, of not belonging… it’s there. To rest upon the our hearts and minds along with all the other daily to-dos we juggle.
So where is the joy?!
Finding the joy
We’ve all heard it before, and often respond with an eye roll.
(….Eyelids at the Ready….)
I have found over the years that finding joy in this un-settled journey begins with changing my perspective. …Now you get it (cue the eyeroll).
Truly, changing our perspective is about all we can do, at least above the things we are already trying to do.
We can scrimp and save our money month after month, hoping that the day will finally come when we can afford that dream property we’ve been saving up for. But chances are, that hoped-for day is still a ways out in the future.
We can keep plugging away at our jobs, looking forward to finding that steady flow where every day doesn’t feel like a marathon race. But chances are, that job situation might still take time to find and cultivate.
Changing our perspective – that is something we can do right now. We can begin today, this afternoon, tomorrow morning – we can choose to stop looking at life’s to-dos and our un-settled situation. And instead, start appreciating these learning opportunities.
That’s right. Consider every new job you or your spouse is starting; every new house or community you find yourself moving to; every garden you plant in a yard that you don’t own – those are all opportunities for you to learn. Like a classroom, that let’s you try again and again so you feel more confident in your every move when that blessed day of being settled finally arrives.
Afterall, being un-settled often comes with multiple situations of starting over. We can view it as a chore list, or we can see it as an opportunity to do it all better this time.
I used to find it really challenging that my husband and I moved as frequently as we did. And though I haven’t completely changed my tune on moving (because it is a lot of work and stress), I have found so much peace and joy in viewing each new move as a new opportunity to learn.
I get to learn how to raise different varieties of crops in slightly differing climates. I get to learn new ways to decorate my home. I get to experience first hand what types of housing layouts I do or definitely do not appreciate.
I get to meet so many amazing people – and I get to learn from them. Every person has such a unique story to tell if you are able connect and hear it. There is so much wisdom about so many thing – gardening, sewing, canning, raising babies, and just life in general. And my meeting so many people in various communities, I get to hear their perspectives and experiences, which I’ve found to be more valuable than any cookbook, gardening blog, or college course on childhood development could be.
…Plus, I’m pretty sure when I finally get a place of my own, I will have the best garden layout figured out because I have had a lot of practice.
Making the change
Like all perspective shifts, learning to view the challenging situation of being un-settled as a positive learning opportunity is an adjustment that takes time.
We can choose today or tomorrow to think more positively. But that doesn’t mean the change will come easy and that it won’t be full of challenging days when seeing the positive is like seeing the sunshine in a blizzard.
It will take time and likely multiple self-reminders. Not to mention prayers. Alongside prayers of heavenly guidance toward that settled life, I have found it very helpful in my personal life to offer prayers of patience and to see my life with a perspective of learning.
Afterall, life isn’t perfect. And living an un-settled life can feel so defeating. But by viewing every day like a chance to learn or an experience to participate in can help us find joy in this unsettled life.
